Grief
Grief crashes like waves, pulling you under and stripping the breath from your lungs. The pressure drags you deeper, leaving you to wonder when you'll surface for the next gasp of air. Pulled under again, glimpses of light above, yet surrounded by darkness. Helpless, trapped in the current. Grasping, trying to pull up while forced deeper. Will you ever come up for air again?
The trauma of it all, watching a child, a child you would have given your life for, being stripped of life.
Realities don’t set it. You’re in a state of shock, of desperation, of panic. You lose someone that has given your life purpose, taught you the meaning of love. A love so fierce and enduring that its absence feels like an unfillable void. In this harrowing moment, you grapple not only with the loss of a loved one but also with the profound impact they've had on your existence.
In these weeks that have followed losing Samson, my pain has grown deeper. Day after agonizing day, the harsh reality settles in—nothing will ever be the same. Memories, once buried in the depths of denial, resurface with a relentless persistence. Every detail you wished to shut out claws its way back into your consciousness. It's undeniably real, a haunting truth that echoes in your mind—how can this be real? Your psyche grapples, fighting to accept the incomprehensible, the profound rupture that has altered the very fabric of your existence.
We're handed timelines for reintegration into the world, expectations of adjustment. But how can we confine the profound loss a parent bears to such constraints? There's no timeline for navigating the depths of this grief. Especially when faced with the sudden, unanticipated tragedy of a freak accident, leaving no room for preparation or forewarning.
My heart is shattered, as if it's being ruthlessly ripped from my chest. In the profound connection with my child, my soul feels intertwined, and losing him is like losing a part of my own life. Forced to relive those last moments repeatedly, the agony is an unyielding echo that reverberates through every fiber of my being. The pain is not just a wound; it's a relentless, haunting ache that refuses to release its grip.
In the shadows of this indescribable pain, as I navigate the uncharted territory of grief, I find solace in the memories that remain etched in my heart. The love shared, though painfully absent, continues to shape my journey. Each step forward is a testament to the resilience borne out of profound loss. Though the ache persists, and the void is palpable, I hold onto the fragments of the strength God is giving me, that surface amidst the tears. In honoring the memory of my precious child, I embark on a path of healing, knowing that the journey is uniquely mine, as is the enduring love that will forever connect us across the realms of existence.
