Missing Samson
Samson, oh my Samson... Everywhere I look, I see you. I see the places where I used to drop you off, where you'd hunt, fish, skate, and ride your bike. Every corner I turn, there's something that reminds me of you. Some days, these reminders bring a smile to my face, but on others, they pierce my heart. They awaken an ache in my soul, longing for you. Tears flood my eyes, a relentless reminder of the life stolen from me.
The snow reminds me of how you and your brother used to build forts together, playing with Gunner, our dog. I can imagine you making snowballs with the neighbor kids, gearing up for the ultimate snowball fight.
When the sunshine breaks through, even now amidst one of our warmest winters yet, I envision you basking in its warmth, pulling out your phone to check the UV Index, eager to catch a tan. Despite your disappointment with the lack of ice this year, I can imagine your excitement at the sight of open water. Perhaps you'd sit on the side of a bridge, fishing anyway.
As fall approaches, I recall the anticipation you felt for hunting season, eagerly preparing with Dad and your brother. With spring arriving, it's as if I can feel your excitement to ride your bike again.
Everywhere I turn, there's a poignant attachment, an emotional tether. Passing by your friend Matt's house, I couldn't help but sob. The last time we drove there was just before you got your license, bringing you over for a night filled with... well... who knows what antics you, Matt, Hans, and Tristan were up to. Ha! All I wanted was for you to enjoy your youth. Looking back, I could have said more no's, but I'm grateful I didn't. In hindsight, I realize how important it was for you to have a childhood full of memories, to experience life to the fullest. That's still my wish for you—to have life, abundantly.
Not witnessing your future, not seeing you live the life you were meant to, Samson... that's what truly weighs heavy on my heart. You had so much potential, far more than I ever had. To see it all torn away is unbearable. I thought we were entering the easier years, with you on the brink of adulthood and Gabe nearing the end of school. I knew these last five years of raising children would eventually come to an end, but this is not the ending I anticipated. No, this ending is far crueler than any I had imagined over these 16 years. It's a cruelty that extends beyond just me—it's felt by your siblings, aunts, uncles, friends... everyone who cherished you, Samson. The day we lost you, we lost so much more than just your presence. You are forever loved baby boy.
