Love Lost
My love for you is boundless, Samson—deeper than the unfathomable depths of the ocean, higher than the reaches of the sky. It's a love that defies description, one you can't truly comprehend until you hold your child in your arms. I can still remember the day you entered this world, weighing 8 pounds and 9 ounces, stretching out to 21 3/4 inches long. Your bright blue eyes met mine, and in that moment, I discovered a love I never knew existed.
As you grew, you seemed to bypass crawling altogether, opting instead to launch straight into running. No one could keep pace with you; you were a force of nature, unstoppable in your determination. I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt whenever you stumbled and ended up with a bruise on your head. Your feet always moved faster than your body could handle. Yet, through every tumble and setback, you remained resilient, forging ahead with unwavering determination.
I wasn't fortunate enough to have a childhood where I felt valued; quite the opposite, in fact. Love didn't emanate from within our home but from the kindness of others. While I had a wonderful father, his demanding work schedule kept him away for long hours—often 60 to 70 hours a week. Determined to break the cycle, I yearned to give Samson and Gabe a different upbringing. I wanted them to know love that stemmed from home and from God, to understand that they were fearfully and wonderfully made. My goal was to uplift them, to instill confidence and resilience.
I envisioned them thriving in sports, feeling empowered in their abilities. However, Samson faced challenges, particularly when we had to change schools. Minnesota may pride itself on being nice, but beneath the surface lies a passive-aggressive culture where kindness isn't always guaranteed. Today, I'm grappling with bitterness, and it may seep into my words. Yet, despite encountering unkindness, Samson learned resilience. He became tough, refusing to let the world's cruelty dim his spirit.
He was a kid who thrived on exploration, seeking out new experiences at every turn. While others were content to lounge indoors, Samson yearned for the freedom of the outdoors. He didn't just want to hang out—he wanted to embark on adventures, to uncover hidden treasures in the woods, to feel the rush of adrenaline as he conquered new challenges.
His zest for life was infectious, drawing others into his orbit. Despite the occasional setbacks and disappointments, Samson approached each day with unwavering optimism and determination. He refused to let negativity hold him back, choosing instead to focus on the beauty and wonder that surrounded him. He was known for saying, “Life is too short to be unhappy, smile!” The nickname Smiler, was given to him as a newborn, given the life he led, we never knew how fitting that nickname would be.
As I reflect on his journey, I'm filled with a bittersweet mix of pride and longing. Though his time with us was tragically cut short, the impact he made on the world around him endures. Samson's legacy lives on in the memories we cherish, the lessons we've learned, and the love that continues to bind us together. A love that will never know an end. A love that has no bounds. Until we meet again my boy, I love you.
