Missing you
Samson, my beautiful boy... the gaping hole you left stings so intensely today. I miss you, my son. I miss your infectious joy and boundless cheer. You always radiated happiness. Your vibrant personality filled every room you entered. I ache for the sound of your voice, your steps down the stairs, or your music always playing somewhere in the background. Today, the longing for you runs deep within me.
I miss the future we were meant to share. I envisioned you and Gabe in your thirties, gathering with your families, alongside your dad and me. I would have been 49, you 32, and Gabe 29. We had so many years ahead of us, so much life left to live together. It was one of the blessings of being a young mom—I anticipated a lifetime with you. Now, it feels like a cruel twist of fate. I have so much more life to live, yet the weight of grief weighs me down incessantly.
There will be no more adventures with you, no glimpses into the person you would have become or the path you would have chosen. It's a constant ache of missed opportunities and unwritten stories.
Today, I sit with Uncle Jake, our hearts breaking in unison for you. He came to be with me, a reminder of simpler times when the three of us would cuddle on the couch after a long day of play. His presence brings both comfort and sorrow, a bittersweet reminder of the love we shared.
Jake wanted to write to you too.
Oh, my dear Samson, how I've missed you. My heart aches for you, my darling boy. As time passes, the pain of losing you only seems to deepen, yet you remain constantly on my mind and in my heart.
In the quiet moments of the morning, before I even open my eyes, my thoughts instinctively turn to you. You're the first thing I think of, a bittersweet reminder of your absence. And as I lay down at night to sleep, you accompany me in my thoughts, your presence felt even in the stillness of the night.
Last week, when the snow fell, I couldn't help but think of how much joy you would have found in it. I imagined you bundled up in your snow gear, laughing and playing outside with Gunner. The image brought both warmth and sadness to my heart.
I miss our quiet moments together, those times of simply existing in each other's presence. I fondly remember when you were a little boy, how you would lay close to me, so still and peaceful. Those moments were precious beyond measure, my dear boy.
I miss listening to you share the facts you had learned about various topics. Your intelligence and curiosity never ceased to amaze me. What I wouldn't give to hear you talk passionately about a new discovery or interest once more. Your thirst for knowledge was truly inspiring.
Watching you grow into the handsome young man you became filled me with immense pride. You brought joy to everyone who crossed your path, your infectious energy lighting up the room. I cherished witnessing your excitement as you entered new phases of life, always eager to embrace what lay ahead. You were destined for greatness, and I envisioned a future filled with your accomplishments. I wanted nothing more than to be there for you, supporting and guiding you through life's journey.
Finding purpose without you here has been a challenge, but I hold onto the countless memories of the joyous times we shared. The days spent basking in the sun, going to the park, indulging in popsicles and bike rides—those moments will forever be etched in my heart.
We love you, Samson.
